I Will Not Stop Writing

I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.
I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.
I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.
I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.

That’s all I could muster after two weeks of not writing.

I had finally gotten an hour to myself.  I had silence and a book to read, and I was looking forward to my husband finally being home for longer than a hello.

I dove into the book, relishing the change of pace and the opportunity to get away for a bit.  To experience life from another set of eyes.  To see the places of dreams.

“What’s this?”  I shut off my tablet several minutes later and glared at it.

Reading has altered for me.  It not longer provides that place of relaxation and sanctuary it once did when I was only a reader.  Now reading just ticks me off.

“You big stupid head!”  I grumbled at the book.  I blamed it on the book.  I blamed it on the writer who was already traditionally published.  I blamed it on ugly flower of writer envy, and the twisted roots of insecurity it grows from.

But at the bottom of everything I simply missed my books.  My characters.  My world.  I missed writing in that desperate ache of suffering way that comes when I don’t do it regularly.

These two weeks were supposed to be just a little break from social media.  A chance to focus on packing and moving and settling my family into a temporary place until we find a new job and new place.  It was a good thing at first.  A breath of fresh air.  A chance to refresh.

But now doubt and insecurity are creeping in.  It’s the stuff of writer nightmares.

It’s time to start writing again, even if it means writing only this at first:

I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.
I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.
I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.
I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.  I will not stop writing.

Someday, maybe even tonight, I will break open draft 3 of Opalescent Immersion.  I will stop hearing the fears of life and start listening to the song of the mermaids.  When the doubt creeps in and tries to convince me that I’m a terrible writer and I should just give up, I will tell it to shut up.

I will write.  I will create.  I will make art.  I will breathe.  I will be.  I will believe.

Write Bravely
Write Strongly

-AEM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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