Yesterday I shared a link and a very personal confession. I struggle with PTSD. I have also struggled with PPD, and good old fashioned regular depression. I am a very reserved person, but when I was overloaded with all of the layers of depression, I began to speak out. I don’t like it when people have to stand alone, because I have felt it. But over the last five years I’ve learned some very important lessons. Today I want to talk about one of them.
It is Okay to Stand Alone.
Is it ideal? No. Do people suffer because of it? Yes. But it can be done.
I know that tribes are all the rage right now. My tribe this. My tribe that. Oh, how I love my tribe and I love them!
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in community. You don’t have to spend much time in my books before you see that. Do you have a tribe? Awesome! Love them! But can I be honest? Tribes are cliques. You know, I saw a book in the library several weeks ago that made me smile. It was called something like, There are cliques. Get over it. And I had to laugh because it is the honest truth.
Sometimes we stand with a tribe.
Sometimes we stand alone.
I am thankful that I’ve had to stand alone. It has shaped my heart, and it has strengthened me.
Is it also bad for me? Yeah, it is. But there is never good without bad. How we walk the line is what matters, and me, well, I like to dance.
I think it’s good for people to learn to stand alone. And honestly, I think it’s absolutely necessary for some people. Was it necessary for me? Yeah, I believe so. Right now I am writing books like crazy. Right now I am unknown. Now, here’s the thing. I am completely aware that I may never actually have my name out there as an author. But I’m also aware that it might, maybe happen someday if I keep working.
And the thing is, there’s not a way to have your name out there without being trashed or made fun of by another person. That happens enough as it is when you are a nobody. But when you are in the public? It will happen, and it will happen on a larger scale.
So, yes, I am thankful that I have had to stand alone. I am thankful that people have said snotty things to my face without asking me to explain or getting to know me better. I am thankful that people looked away to feel more comfortable when I struggled. I am thankful for passive aggressive attacks on my character. I am thankful for the hard times when my husband and I struggled while people looked down at us. I am thankful that for many, many years, it was just me and God.
I am taking a pause on my Endeavor Series. I don’t know how long the pause will be, but I’m doing it for two reasons. 1) I write better in my series when I take a vacation from it. 2) I have another book to write.
This other book is one that I have wanted to write since I was, like, 11. I am so excited to write it, and I’m doing something new. I’m not telling anybody anything. Yep, no sharing tidbits of my writing. This is going to be different for me since I’m used to sharing, but I’m also excited about it. When the book is done, it will be done. Published right then and there. I’ll tell you about it in one long post and let people at it.
The only thing I will say about the book is that I’m going away from some of the themes of the Endeavor Series. In this mystery book, my characters will have to stand alone. Some stand alone because they are forced outcasts from society. Some stand alone because they love power. Some stand alone because they are cursed. Most stand alone because they are afraid. Some stand alone because they make a choice to do so.
Sometimes we stand alone.
And that is okay.
I think the hardest thing to do when standing alone is to protect your heart. Standing alone can make you bitter if you don’t find a way to constantly practice love for others. And I hope in my mystery book, I do a good job of addressing that.
I will be somewhat quieter as I write this new book at first, but I’ll adjust and find some other way to connect. And before we all know it, there will be a surprise book to enjoy, and I’ll start on Fervent Desolation. The title sounds kinda, sad, right? It will actually be a lovely book, but we all know (because I’ve said it before) that Char is going to take the wrong road at some point, so get ready for that to happen in a bookish. Standing alone is going to be hard on her (and so will be making bad decisions), but she needs it to grow.
Anyway, I have come to one conclusion about standing alone. It is freeing. It frees you to serve other people. To love other people. To push yourself away from confining boundaries that prevent you from fully loving others as you love yourself. I’m not there, but I’m working on it. And I wouldn’t be able to if I were happy and content in a tribe.
So stand alone, if that’s what you’ve been called to do. Don’t fear it. Make it work!
I hope you have a great week, and if you are feeling unloved, then I challenge you to love yourself. Care for yourself. Do things that you like to do. It will feel selfish and wrong at first, but once you have taken care of yourself, then you will be able to care for others with a big love, not a love that’s drained and lacking. Self care is a must!
Stand Strong (alone or in a group)